Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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