they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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