remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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