I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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