I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize