i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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