Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
what day is it and did you see me today?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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