Church boner. Awkwardddd
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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