I faked an abortion last night.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize