my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize