i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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