I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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