Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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