She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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