In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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