On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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