if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize