you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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