Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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