I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize