I can text with my tongue
the day after is always just damage control
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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