is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize