can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So. Much. Porn.
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