Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize