im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize