he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
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In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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