he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
do nipples grow back?
I'm really busy with my period
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