Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
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She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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