you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
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Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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