I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
farters have to be the big spoon...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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