I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize