Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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