But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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