Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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