I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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