Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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