"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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