i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
...so i touched it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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