I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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