this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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