From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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