He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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