i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
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I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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