Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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