I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize