never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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