if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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