well most of my day revolves around power hour
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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