Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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