i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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